“All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.” John 6:37

“Oh, my soul
Oh, how you worry
Oh, how you’re weary, from fearing you lost control
This was the one thing you didn’t see coming
And no one would blame you, though
If you cried in private
If you tried to hide it away, so no one knows
No one will see if you stop believing

Oh, my soul
You are not alone
There’s a place where fear has to face the God you know
One more day, He will make away
Let Him show you how,’ you can lay this down
‘Cause, you’re not alone.”

(Casting Crowns, Oh My Soul)

“Every human friend has a limit. If we offend enough, if a relationship gets damaged enough, if we betray enough times, we are cast out. The walls go up. “(Ortlund, 2020). I wouldn’t say I live in fear, nor am I a fearful person. But I am afraid of my past. I am afraid of that girl who was broken, cast out, and left clinging onto hope because when you are holding onto hope, you are holding onto Jesus.

Cast out. This is a feeling. It’s fear. My soul yearns to be in the presence of God. In a presence from which I will not be cast out from. A presence where all that gets suppressed deep inside of me would be exposed. The place where the walls crumble down like the walls of Jericho. Where is that place? How do I find that place? My soul is hungry for you, God. My soul thirsts for you. My soul yearns to face the deepest crevices and lay down that which keeps the walls up. Somewhere along this adventure together, I still draw from that empty well instead of meeting you at the well where my soul will never grow thirsty. I take myself back to empty places that nobody goes because it feels safe. It feels secure- why? Security lies in the arms of a God who loves me beyond my comprehension. A love my mind can’t wrap itself around, yet it exists.

“My soul clings to you;
    your right hand upholds me.”

Psalms 63:8

Come to me. God, you say this to me daily- Come to me. “Come to me, says Christ. I will embrace you into my deepest being and never let you go” (Ortlund, 2020).

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30).

All God is saying to me is that I am sitting on the steps of your soul, and the deep place that nobody goes waiting for you to sit here in this place where you won’t be cast out- come sit with me. So why is it so hard to sit? My soul longs for that embrace. My soul thirsts for you, God. So, we will sit for how long for as long as it takes.

Ortlund, D. C. (2020). Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers. Crossway.