Abide. My word for the year. Every year God chooses a word for me. Most years I argue with God as to what my word should be. I ask for confirmation after confirmation. This year was no different. It just came in a bolder way. I went to church on the first Sunday morning of the new year and as I sat in my seat watching the screen change from announcement to announcement, it appeared. The word ABIDE, was on the screen. It was big, and obvious to me. Even though, it was obvious, I sat there shocked. I even leaned over to my daughter and asked “Did the screen just have the word ABIDE on it?” And she replied “yes” Still not convinced, I watched intently as each screen changed and there it was again “ABIDE” I suppose it is my word after all.

I have read John 15 more times that I would admit to, but the version I have read does not have the word abide, so it hasn’t been in my vocabulary. So this is what I discovered about my word.

To stay connected to Jesus through things like prayer and Bible reading. Jesus says “I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit” John 15:5

To abide, is to await, to dwell, remain lodged, and to bear patiently. Abiding, connecting- a life giving connection. John 15 describes that the branch is dependent on the vine. To abide, I must keep trusting, keep depending, never stop believing and persevere forward. John 8:31-32 “If you abide in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth and truth will set you free”

To abide in his love and his word. John 15:9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. ” John 15:7 “If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you”

I am to abide in obedience, in the sitting, in the waiting, and in the sifting of His word. I am to dwell in the “I don’t know”, of which I far too often find myself dwelling in. I am to abide in the stretching of my heart. I am to abide as we sit on the steps of my soul. I am to abide in His love. Within this abiding, I am fixing my gaze upon the one who can quench my thirst, dry my tears, and embrace me all the time. I have to abide here until Jesus is enough. Until Jesus is enough. My whole life has been this. This journey to finding that Jesus is enough. I think I have had these seasons that I just want the flesh of abiding in love. I would just crave that feeling of what abiding in love could truly feel like, but in the end I would still feel this emptiness. I would feel this vacant hole because I can’t replace Jesus’ love into the arms of a person. I had to let go of my desire to want love from people, to a love for Jesus. To a place, where all I desire, all I want is Jesus. A place where I sit on my knees and lay the emptiness before Him.

So this year I am to abide, to sit intently, to wait patiently, and immerse myself into that which my heart craves- Jesus. To be present. To embrace that Jesus is right here, right now, He is in me, and I am simply not left by myself. Even when my gaze sneaks peaks at the polluted world in which I live, and Satan tries to entice me to believe I am not loved, God does not love me, or that I can never display love- I will have the focus of abiding in His love. Oh, the hope that I can embrace the idea of abiding in God’s love. That I can love in a way I haven’t been able to for so many years.

Abide. Remain. Linger. Jesus contents me. Jesus satisfies me. Jesus loves me.